First KILLER Awakening: THE WAITRESS

My favorite part of the book is the worst memory of Peter's
wandering eye. It's the waitress story.

In my gut, on that day,
I knew Peter & I would never stay together. I felt so ill, I wanted
to throw up. After that, every time we went out, I would immediately
scan the room for the woman I thought he'd choose to stare at. It
was sick, and I always felt sick. It was my unplanned weight-loss plan.
And yet, I did this for two more years. Why can smart women be
such idiots?
The reason this worst memory is my favorite part is that I want to
remember how awful I felt, the lesson, so I will never be with the same kind of
man again. All I have to do is dredge up the sight of Peter stuffing his
monetary tip into the front pocket of the waitress's apron as I
turned to see what I wasn't supposed to see. That feeling of
anguished horror floods over me to this day if I have to think
about that waitress encounter.
It will be awhile before I ever forget it.
A lesson - although painful - well learned.

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THE SON OF A BITCH was flirting with a waitress that he had know for years right in front of me.
I mean prolonged eye contact AND TOUCH when he put the tip of his finger in the pocket of her front apron.

I immediately thought "IT'S OVER !!!!!!!!!"
"IT IS OVER !"
I knew it was OVER !!!!

He was unaware that I saw the placement of his finger tip until LATER when I blew up.
He did not realize.
Indeed HE had no idea that I had seen him.
Women out there - can you stand it ?
Can you relate ???

Does he really think I was completely unaware of it ???
Does he think I am that naive ?
Or worse, does he think I am STUPID ?

WHAT DOES THAT TELL ME ?

It is a test.

Does he think I will put up with it ???
I HATE HIM.



The next week, a male friend at work patiently explained that it was a MAN THING to be able to be dominant over a woman and PERFECTLY NATURAL, how compelling a woman's total service and devotion could be.

RIGHT.
Men stick together.

If only in their dreams..............




Hearing this, although questioning it in my own mind, it removed some of the sting I felt, but it still pisses me off to think of it.



Think of the millions of Chinese servant girls who accomodated their masters over the centuries, submitting because it was required. Bound feet and all.
Think of Stepford wives. Is that really want men want after all ?
Wouldn't that get boring ?
I guess not.

A man needs to feel totally dominant over a SERVANT woman ?
It is bullshit for sure. Grow the fuck up ! PLEASE !!!!!!

In the next 10 days I kept my composure and DID NOT CALL HIM.

NEVER NEVER NEVER DO THAT !!!
If he wants me, HE WILL CALL.

NEVER, NEVER , NEVER, NEVER CALL HIM AFTER A FIGHT.
Call a friend, call your sister, call your brother, call your cousin, call Time of Day and Temperature, call anyone or anything but him !!!
Call 411, call 900 numbers, press 2 for Spanish.
Too bad they got rid of the physic hotlines. That was a good one to call.
DO NOT CALL HIM.


He has to want you enough to call you.
Just don't do it - as hard, as agonizing as it is - DON'T CALL !

If he never calls what have you lost ?

It's been 10 days.
He has not called.












To be continued ........



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